Iron Rule of Tomassi #1
Frame is everything. Always be aware of the subconscious balance of whose frame in which you are operating. Always control the Frame, but resist giving the impression that you are.
My long ago ex who I have coffee with now and again is aware of my immediate past, and I’ve found it really interesting that during these times of struggle and difficulty that you find out who your friends really are.
She says “maybe you might want to just talk to someone, this is the name of a therapist who comes recommended, she’s just starting out so her pricing is “very competitive”” and hands me a business card. Me: “I’m in a phase of life that I am open to everything and anything, so sure”. I give the doctor lady a call to set up an appointment, but really, I’m not all that fucked up… But if someone is interested in listening to my act who am I to hold back, right?
She’s in a later phase of life, late 60’s, tiny little thing that is really noticeable when I walk in for the first appointment. Second career trying to help people, my read is that she’s good people.
Turns out the reason her pricing is very competitive is that she is still not officially a therapist for reasons I don’t understand or care about. But she will be soon as she gains more experience, and she is willing to listen to my act, which if she can handle this then she’s got a great career in her future. Full steam ahead.
So I meet with her in early Dec 2019 for the first time, and we get through the initial meeting fine, she is busy making notes and I’m doing my best to not go in a million different directions as I fill her in on “what’s been going on”.
During the course of the discussion we get into the fact that I’m into “the lifestyle”
Her: “lifestyle?” Me: “mmm, that’s a quaint way of indicating to people that someone is into alternative types of romantic relationships, like Dominant and submissive, Master and slave, Daddy Dom and baby girl – you might know it from the book 50 Shades of Grey? What to me are more natural male and female relationship styles that work best for both.”
Her: “No, I’ve never read that book, wasn’t there a movie? I don’t know much about that world at all”. So we get into vanilla vs lifestyle and we briefly go down that rabbit hole. I notice that the note taking has gotten much more frantic.
A few more appointments go by and the subject is coming up much more, justifiably so since this is who I’ve become over the years. Each appointment she seems to be able to factor in the lifestyle into the past relationship dynamics more and more.
I meet with her this morning and we do a catch up since it’s been 2 weeks given the holidays. Talk goes in all kinda different directions, she’s reading JPeterson, lots of references from her about “unfucking yourself”, we get into my recent deep dive into David Goggins and my need for a more solid mindset, and things are chugging along.
As we wrap up the goodness gets laid on the table…
Talk moves to setting the next appointment, and she mentions kind of out of the blue that because of our sessions she’s been looking into “the lifestyle” online, doing a lot of reading so that she can understand how who I’ve become over the years affects relationship dynamics so she can help me better.
Me: “nice, what did you discover?” She has become very interested in it as she learns more, has found it very… enlightening. To the point that she has begun to incorporate it into her marriage.
Me: “really…. That’s fantastic, I really believe that women are much happier when the man… ”
And down the rabbit hole I go. Things that I love talking about, the sexual marketplace, men leading, women submitting, how this makes everybody happier, that women should shit test and that men should pass that shit like a boss, trust being built.
I’m on my A game as this big train is rolling. She is nodding away and I’m running my mouth, and it dawns on me that, damn I’m pretty far down the garden path here, perhaps checking in would be a good thing. So I pull up.
Me: “so if you’re ok with this, can I ask what side you orient to? Dom? sub?”
Her: “Oh, I’m definitely on the Dom side. I’ve never been able to talk to my husband about my fantasies, I just wasn’t able to let that out, but now… It feels great, we’ve come to agreements and our marriage is so much better just over the last few weeks, it’s been amazing. I feel so much more trusting, so important”
Felt like that dog in the Foghorn Leghorn cartoon that is running hard towards the chicken and then hits the end of the leash – I didn’t expect this at all…
her: “I already do all the planning, I tell him what to do. But if he has an opinion then he voices it and I listen”
Me: “so if he is in charge then you hear a lot of ‘I don’t know what do you want to do?’ yea?”
Her: “I know, but I figure all that stuff out, it just works better between us, it’s actually been like this for years but now I can let myself feel free around it”
So I’ve FemDom’d red pilled my therapist. Smile on my face as I exited the door, can’t wait to see what next week’s appointment will bring.