I wrote this earlier today for a men’s group I am part of, a good looking guy in his 20’s was asking for feedback in the group about dating an older co-worker who outearned him and is a single mom. The Holy Trinity of “oh, hell no!”. So I thought I’d blog a bit more about it here. Always a controversial subject, especially with Team Girl, but if you are a man getting back into the game maybe I can offer some things to think about from an older male perspective
tl;dr Avoid this at all costs on the young end of the age bell curve, yet it’s nearly unavoidable at the other end – but, by that point you should have skills to counteract the lessened impact.
I’ll approach this by age range
As a man in your 20’s, dating single moms would be a HARD NO
There is just no reason for dating single moms given all the choices you should have in the dating market. You’ll find that single moms are the most desperate women you’ll run across because they have additional unmet needs – they’ll open you more aggressively, love bomb you, and they’ll spread for you quickly. It’s game on easy mode for a guy — FOR A REASON. Use your big head and think about why this is.
Single mom’s are trying to hook you in order to land their provider since the last opportunity got fucked with her baby daddy and she is overwhelmed and unwilling to do the work, and wants to you save her – it may be their fault, it may be his fault, the point here is that the reasons initially don’t matter since the net result for us is the same. If you chose to go down this path then very soon the reasons will matter, and you’ll need to know them in order to vet her well.
20-29 year old single moms are the lower percentage of available women in the dating pool. They know it, and they are hoping you don’t. That is why they have to compete at a higher level, throw more game at you trying to hook quickly and deeply. There is no reason for you to be in this situation unless you have delusional self-confidence and swim in a huge pool of abundance and can just run through them as plates and remain unattached and unaffected — which is crazy dangerous. If you date single moms at this age YOU WILL get stung
So you are in your 30’s
This is still a hard no, but the percentage of single moms in the dating pool has grown significantly, many more failed “situations” that are back on the market now than there were in your 20’s. You’re going to have to sift through a lot of single moms and say no to women you might otherwise be attracted to. So having an abundance mindset is key here – and any single moms will probably have ~5 to 10yr old kids, yes, plural, kids – so their provisioning requirements are jacked way up. You’ll be her plow horse if you don’t understand what you are signing up for.
And as always, she offers herself as a pre-made single family unit. You don’t get just her. You get her, the kids, and most likely a shitty ex husband/ ex baby daddy who doesn’t want you around his kids creating all kinds of drama in her life and cock blocking you either directly or indirectly. Who needs that. And her order of precedence is 1) her kids, 2) her, 3) dog/pets, 4) household, and then 9) you. You’ll be “the 4th item on a 3 item list” after the honeymoon phase in the relationship wears off. This is the most dangerous zone. Guys get over invested when they realize the game being played on them trying to get things going back in their favor, but it’s way too late for that. “if I just fold more towels maybe she’ll love me more”, “but I can’t leave the kids”, <insert other male hamstering and excuses to avoid doing the hard work> only to plow horse harder, which lowers your value in her eyes, and your life starts to circle the drain.
If you’ve been doing the work in your 20’s and find yourself still dating in your 30’s then chances are good that you’re feeling some “dating fatigue” and are ready to just be done with it. You’ll accept scraps, “she’ll do”, your standards get lower and lower. But be very aware that after doing all that work for all those years to get your life to the awesome place you are at, this is not the time to take the easy road.
The good news to counteract that is that now your SMV is rising, your life is more together, you are looking better as you get older. Stay in the gym, eat right to optimize this. Maintain abundance mindset.
Do the hard work to sift through the wreckage of girl world and continue to avoid single moms, and DO NOT date older women as a fall back position. Keep your eyes on the 20 year olds, because as you are going to see the 40, 50, and 60 year old guys are targeting the 30+ year olds.
In your 40’s now
Your SMV is high, you look around and see the impact of the wall on your female friends and family members. Now the percentages are against you, but with potentially less impact, OR possibly more if you vet poorly and get stupid.
The overwhelming majority of 40 year old women have kids who are teenagers to young 20 somethings. Avoid the ones with teenagers, you know what you were like as a teenager, no need for her bringing her dysfunctional family drama into your life. The single mommy thing has less impact when you are in your 40’s, because the provisioning requirements she seeks are less and her mindset is now looking towards “empty nesting” and getting out on her own.
Women’s most terrifying fear is of being old and being alone.
Conversely, 40 year old’s without kids are a kind of a big red flag. Her innate female biology drives her to have offspring and mate with her best option. So… what happened then? Why was she not bred? Why was she unable to at least get the seed out of a man with her feminine manipulations? Why couldn’t she keep a man? If she is barren and unable to have kids that relieves her a bit from the question. But if not barren then chances are high that she’ll be somewhat unstable – above and beyond what we as men see as normal female instability. Vet her very, very well – she is out until she proves that she is in, which should take a very long time.
Remember the rule “half plus seven” – calculate half your age and then add 7 years, this is your target age zone for women you date. As a 40-49 year old you should be shooting for the 27 to 32 year olds whenever possible.
For you spergy guys who deal in absolutes – this is a guideline, not a hard rule
50’s? See 40
The game doesn’t change much from here, but you should be busting your ass to be in the best “life shape” you can be – looks, stability, income, lifestyle – and looking to optimize your health whenever practicable.
If you are not in the gym, then get there and move the heaviest weight in the place – the front door. Run blood tests at least 2x per year to check for health markers. If you are unsavvy to the gym then hire a trainer at your gym and get savvy and jacked up.
Half plus 7 for a 50-59 year olds is a 32 to 37. If you do date women in their 50’s then chances are great that she’ll have adult kids. If you must date her, then vet her through how her kids are doing. Fat skrillix pink haired BLM #metoo feminist daughter/s? Mom allowed this. Soy gamer 25 year old son who is pale as day from never being outside and still lives at home having no real job prospects? Mom built this. Tattooed up freak shows? Again, mom. In and out of jail, but “he’s just misunderstood”? You get it.
A non-standard vet for me is checking how she keeps the condition of her car inside and out. The car and her kids tell me pretty much what I’d want to know. And she has to pass 100%.
50’s women are a mix of widowed, divorced from shit men, trail a stream of failure behind them, out of shape and/or fat, and still entitled for the most part. Truth from direct experience, deal with it. You may find the exceptions who are in decent shape for their age and possibly not bitter – but they are the unicorns and the exception, and not the rule.
Menopause has begun settling in for the 50+ yr old woman, their hormones are insane and they put on weight due to age and their suitcase of medications. Look, but don’t touch for the most part.
A lot of fuck toys will surface that now understand their place in a mans world that you can put on plate rotation, but fire them quickly at the very first sign of drama. There are usually many to choose from, so abundance thinking gents. Their programming will flare up after 4-7 months in your life, and they WILL try to lock you down based on their delusion of their vagina having the value of a 20 year old. I’m dropping one of these right now, her drama started last week and I’ve shut down all attention. And while she was made a lot better for having been in my life, she is being shown the door without a lot of drama from me.
A man in his 50’s who is top 1% in physical looks (no dad bod, showing some abs), life is together, knows basic game, finances sorted, acts with abundance and delusional self-confidence — then life is like shooting fish in a barrel. However keep in mind your days of 9’s and 10’s are long over, there are no 9’s and 10’s who make it past early 30’s. So you should be trying to find sane, attractive, fit, HB6-8 submissive women in the 35+ age range – and there are a ton of them now that the single mom impact on you is low to non-existent.
But you damn sure better know how to vet, and how to cull the ones who don’t pass – do it quickly, kindly, and with zero remorse.
Ok, now we’re in my world, the 60’s
Half plus 7 for the 60 to 69 range is 37 to 42. Not much has changed from the 40’s and 50’s to be honest. Single women in their 60’s are to be avoided at all costs. I’m dating 33 to late 40’s. My main is 17 years younger.
If you are running online dating/OLD then continue to swipe NO to all the “I’m independent” profiles, to all the “isn’t my small dog cute” fur mommies, and to the secret internet fatties who don’t show body pictures.
Progress should be made in building social game as a key to abundance, being able to get out and meeting new people, building social circle, and being out and active constantly.
If you are in your 40’s, 50’s or 60’s and are newly single, or totally lost on what to do, or what to do next – then reach out to someone that has a life you want when you see how they present themselves, and start asking them for help/direction – AND be willing to do the work they suggest without any question or hesitation. It’s never too late to start in the gym if you’ve never been in it before.
But it all starts with having delusional self-confidence knowing that you are living in abundance, and then being and bringing your best every damn day while understanding the power of your male attention in girl world