I had this concept pop into my head last night, and I liked the way it worked out. I wanted to dump it out as a quick hitter
I’ve been trying to come up with a way to vet a submissive. Coaching a young man earlier this morning who reached out saying he wanted a D/s relationship with his girl that he wanted to marry. During the interaction I trotted out that “all girls are submissive. period. the extent of their submissiveness depends on how much feminism they’ve been exposed to, how much they’ve bought into it”.
I’ve often times described older women who’ve had horrifically bad experiences with weak, squishy, beta, “I don’t know dear, what do you want to do?”, total lack of leadership kinda guys as being like feral cats. Left to their own they end up having to take care of themselves since their guy has no clue, they don’t trust easily if at all, and the shit tests are nuclear and repetitive because the need for comfort runs so deep.
So every girl starts off submissive. But how do you test for a girl who is actually wired, today, right now, as a submissive? I put some thought into this last night as I was mulling my past, still trying to make heads/tails of what I went through, now knowing the importance of really vetting a girl in my life as a true submissive, and not as a “LARPing submissive”
LARPing – “live action role playing”, ie acting. Playing a role in an event. Not really who they actually are, just acting out their role during the duration of the event. Usually to get something that they want pretending that they are giving back in equal value, and that they are worth investing in. Gas light = on
Imagine that every day your subbie starts the day with an $10 bill that she can spend on her emotions
And that each day it costs $3 of that $10 to be submissive. The other $7 she can spend on all the emotional drama in her life, problems with her mom, her kids, the bills, what dress to wear tonight, hamsters around her guy, is she low on mascara, or all of the other possible things that go on in girl brain that we’ll never know about, and science is so far unable to solve.
A real submissive is never aware that she starts with $10, all she ever sees is $7, and that $3 of emotional currency is just spent doing what she needs to do to submit without even giving it a thought. Her head is so attuned into her submission that before she is conscious in the morning that money is already allocated, gone, spent. In fact, she only wants to spend $5 emotionally because she wants her man to handle most everything for her, she doesn’t want to make decisions, she doesn’t want to be allowed to make decisions – she wants to serve and spread and please. So if she only needs to spend $5 because Daddy is saving her $2 by handling her life for her, then that $2 goes into her submission fund with the other $3 as well. Only need to spend $2 emotionally? Then $8 goes into the submission fund that day.
And it doesn’t matter what happens in her life, no more than $7 will ever be spent on her life, because in her world that is all the money that there is to spend. She’ll have a breakdown or a meltdown, she’ll come unglued – but she won’t allow that to overlap into Daddy’s life, she won’t burden him with this, it’s unthinkable to her that this would even be a possibility. Akin to growing a foot out of her forehead, it’s nonsensical to her
And in the midst of her meltdown when her $7 is spent way too early in the day – the moment she is summoned she feels her life get easier because she knows her man will begin to handle her and handle her life. She can melt now knowing that Daddy has her in his tight grip. But her submission never falters, because its impossible, because she is submissive in her core. She is your $7 slut, and she-will-never-spend-a-penny-over-$7. Ever. She isn’t a LARPer
Which brings us to the LARPer
The LARPer is a girl who loves the idea of Dom/sub, but who is damaged – possibly from issues around Childhood PTSD/C-PTSD, abuse of maybe both physical and sexual in her youth or in her past, is unable to actually trust due to being let down over and over, usually due to her own horrible decision making. Might even be Cluster B, perhaps even borderline.
Cluster B clues: you are the greatest thing to walk the planet when things are good, and you are the most evil devil known to mankind when things are not going her way. Raging anger, turning physical, blackout episodes where fight or flight takes over. Moving on…
More LARPing clues: she loves the idea behind D/s, might believe in her heart of hearts that she is submissive, but, she just isn’t actually a subbie. She can only go so far. She loves the dominance that her man brings out and unleashes on her, she likes giving up control and having things handled for her. Now she tries to offload as much as she can, actually becoming a burden over time. Soon no agency and unable to take responsibility for anything. She is very enthusiastic about sex and spreads willingly offering all holes. When playtime is over lots of smiles and MOAR!! come out of her. “Again Daddy? Please?” A variation on love bombing. You get the idea, your clues may vary, but they will probably be variations on these themes
On the surface this looks just like a real sub though, right? A bit of entitled girl in there, yeah. But the high subbie points have been hit. Yet… there is this undercurrent that just doesn’t feel right, if you’ve experienced this you’ll know what I’m describing here.
But let’s go back and give her the $10 for her daily emotional fund, and see how this plays out for the LARPer
Morning usually starts the same way, the $3 goes into the submissive fund and she starts the day with $7 — BUT her thinking is that she has $10. This becomes an important point.
Day starts to go to shit pretty quickly, she does make horrible decisions after all. Maybe a problem with an adult son who is dealing with a mental disorder and becoming violent that she needs help with because she has no idea how to handle it on her own, and she’s butting up against the $7 max pretty quickly. She presents quickly when summoned and would be relieved when Daddy tells her that he will handle it and she will follow and do as she is told. Relived, her balance drops back down and she’s spent $5 to get here, still has $2 to get thru the rest of the day with.
Next day starts with $10, and $3 goes into the subbie fund, leaving the $7 balance. Whatever crisis is going on that she is spending $3, 4, 5 on as the day goes by is overlapping into your life now while you are trying to run your mission. She’s not being your multiplier, she’s being a bit of a burden. But as Master you are still in charge and responsible, just because she is fucking up doesn’t mean that you can. So you summon her and let her know that you want her to handle her emotions, that this bleed over isn’t pleasing you. That she is not following the rules you established just yesterday. “Sorry Daddy” I don’t want to hear sorry girl, I want you to do better. “yes sir”
You know that she is at her $7 spending limit. But unlike the true subbie, she has $10 to use. And now .25 is coming out of the $3 in the subbie fund in a unilateral decision she’s made leaving you with a substandard subbie. Things are leaking out from her here and there. Not quite as quick or excited to be summoned. Her drama is now slowly leaking out into your life. There goes another .50 when the kid pulls more shit, and suddenly she isn’t following the rules you established. Disrespect begins to seep in. She’s looking more and more like a “strong independent woman” who wants to handle her own shit.
And in some cases she’ll spend $12, depleting all her subbie fund and costing you an extra $2 in wasted time, effort, and the disrespect that is coming at you.
And this, my friends, this is where you know you have a LARPer on your hands. You need to see it for what it is. And you need to make the decision to keep and discipline, or release. But know that if you keep and discipline that you will be going through this again and again if you accept this over and over.
Never reward bad behavior, never accept disrespect.
So How Do I Vet Her?
Pretty simple concept, but you’ll need to come up with your own scenario to make it happen
Make her spend all $7 of her emotional fund, and put her at her wits end safely, but overwhelmed and overloaded. Try to keep the crisis to things in her life that are already ready to overwhelm her, and not problems that she sees you creating on purpose, that doesn’t do anything positive
And then sit back, watching her like a hawk, and see what she does and how she does it.
Does she start pulling out $ from the $3 subbie fund, as you watch her submission falter and go away, replaced by disrespect and independence that grows at the same rate she is pulling the subbie funds out?
Or does she hit her knees in front of you showing all the necessary respect towards her king, and ask for your help knowing that she’s all spent and not even thinking that there is $3 still somehow available? And when she gets that help from you – does she actually follow ALL your lead and direction, with a great desire to comply to please you? For as long as it takes to resolve whatever drama she has going on? Or does she falter within, is she pulling just a nickle or a dime out? This is LARPing. Or is she solid on the fact that the $3 isn’t hers to spend, that it belongs to you, she’s committed that $3 as her submission to you, and that a girl never touches a mans money without permission, and the fund remains untouched and her submission becomes even better
Any girl can submit when things are easy
I need your submission most when it is the most difficult thing for you to give me
That is when your submission has the most value to me, and when I can see who you really are
Lads, use some care in the scenario you create – even with one you believe to be a LARPing subbie, she deserves to be given a chance to prove you wrong. She’s made you happy along the way, she is just going to falter when she bangs up against the rev limiter. Doesn’t make her bad, just might not be something you want to keep.
You don’t want to unnecessarily destroy your relationship by mistake if it turns out that she is pure subbie and you were the one who was wrong. And you should know her well enough to be able to come up with something reasonable to test her with
So don’t destroy her, you have that responsibility as her Master. Even if she is LARPing you have the responsibility bring her back around and get her reset before you release her gently back into the waters if that is your decision. Don’t get pissed if you get a surprise bad result, you are a man, hold your emotions in check. If you get pissed then are you LARPing as a Master? Where you not prepared for this possible outcome? Or is your frame solid?
There is nothing wrong with keeping a LARPing girl if that is what you want, and she is worth working with, and you know how to deal with her shit when she goes off the rails. But know with certainty that you were the one making the decision to keep her, what you are dealing with, so that you are not allowing her to gaslight you.