Epic Fail Report

From May 15 of this year, as part of going through the archive of shit I write about from time to time in other places…

Had a epic big failure, the kind of which I’ve never had happen to me before, on a date on Sunday night.

I turned a “hell yes!” girl into a no girl by being well off my A game and being around her at the time.

Cute, much younger, tits on a stick (now code named “TOAS”), athletic, mildly crazy which is like crack to me. “I am so going to fuck the shit out of you” and “I love sucking cock, and I do it well, I’ll wake you up with it every morning” coming out of her mouth.

But… <sigh> I lost my frame via a day of drinking wine and being exhausted, and got honest about things I should have held in for a few more dates when asked about things a few moments later.

Went from hearing “I tell myself, TOAS, don’t fuck this one up, this guy is a keeper” to “I’m not the girl for you” in the matter of about 20 minutes. And then I fucking argued with her that she was!! lol, idiot!

Ego is stinging hard right now 3 days later, but I learned a lot and this will help me focus in on the next yes girl, they’re out there in spades, reminder that I need to keep an abundance mentality.

It happens to the best of us, I just need to keep grinding on my mission and open everyone in town, and as Dante Nero says work on “laying the 5 bricks every day”.

Felt like I needed to come clean as part of getting this out of my system. They are not all wins even when they should be.

It’s 3 months later and rereading this I can feel the sting of it still.. Clearly I need more rejection, and while it’s not up to me, it would be great if the rejection came a bit earlier on in the seduction phase vs 10 seconds from heading out the door to go to my house. <chuckles>

Asshole Breakup Game

This happened in late March of this year, I’ve been so distracted with work and the mistake of allowing the prev girl back in that I’ve avoided writing. Work is still great, but I’ve got more idle time on my hands now (know what I mean?? ) so I’ve been wanting to get back to writing more.

If you want to be a total asshole when you break up with a girl, here is your strategy. I’ve been wanting to post this for awhile. Working on a write up about the naming of “mother of the year” that she got during an epic fail. I give all the girls I date nicknames or Indian names as a way to tease them or neg them about weaknesses that they should be doing better at.

So MOTY catches feelings after about 3 months of dating, and gets into tears after making me dinner at my house one night (horrible cook, but appreciated the effort) admitting that she is attached.

Over dinner she tells me that she knows I’m fucking others and is ok with it, but she wants only me, pledges me her commitment (…right now) etc. I just want to date, she knows this.

Weekend before I’d had a fuck buddy over, Latina, big ass. MOTY has a banging thin body on her with that young boy ass. No gym, but a surprisingly great body for late 40’s. The extra stuff from being a wine girl. I wasn’t planning on banging the Latina that night, but I’d run across her in a bar well hammered at the hotel in the wine town across the river, and since I know the Latina can’t drive so I drag her home expecting her to just pass out because she is hammered. My buddy is with me, and I’d been trying to line up the 3 way/train.

But no, after I roll her into my bed figuring she’ll be gone in a few seconds it turns out in her drunken state she wants the D. Meh, don’t like fucking drunk girls. She wakes up in the am and leaves her bejeweled panties at the foot of my bed before I drive her back to the hotel and her truck. I have no clue. Couple of days later the dinner incident happens.

So after getting the “I got feelz” conversation trying to lock me down, I think about what I want to do with MOTY, and I decide I don’t want to deal with the hurt feelings she’ll get if I keep her but keep fucking my others. Low drama for me, alway. She’s left a dress at my house. Girls do this shit.

So I call her to talk with her about her desire for commitment, and I explain that I can’t do this, that I’ll hurt her and I don’t want to do that. She immediately launches into the “I’m breaking up with you before you can break up with me” script and all the you can fuck whoever you want goes right out the window during the conversation – I need commitment, I want someone monogamous, and I laugh inside at the irony of “right now”.

So I tell her I’ll return the dress by mail to her, you can prob see where this is going. So I hunt around my room, find the dress in the closet but I look for other stuff that she might have left lying around and I find the Latina’s chonies laying just under the bed. Honest mistake, I put both the chonies and the dress into a mailer package and mail them back thinking this is all done with.

2 days later when my package arrives at her house my phone gets lit up with texts from her. “whose big ass panties are these? they are not mine”. me, thinking: “dafuq? …. oh… shit, the Latina’s” I put MOTY on ignore as things turn spiteful. Turns out via text that she’s actually tried them on, I was dying.

So if you want to fuck with them in a breakup then return a set of unknown sexy panties with any clothing you return to her when you drop her, this is major asshole game.

Give her the gift of never forgetting you.

We all get got along the way…

Beige Philip Principle #12 – Everybody “gets got” at some point.
You will fall in love, get your heart-broken and get fucked over, it’s inevitable and you need the experience to become a true player in the game, use your heartbreak as a learning experience to catapult yourself forwards.

So, a long one that isn’t necessarily around game/player, but geared towards the guy who is new to being single, to encourage him to build a solid foundation as step 1, and not just jump into day game without getting the foundation in place. The reasoning? So that when he does jumps into day game he can be as attractive as possible riding on a strong foundation, that the rest of him is rock solid. Women can see this clear as day.

If you haven’t been got, then this blog post probably isn’t for you. Otherwise stick around…

I’ve had this one in the hopper for a few months, “time to shoot the trainer and race the horse” as the saying goes.

Why am I writing this? It’s the place where I am at right now, and I know I’m not the only one in this place. I just got got. Fucked over? Meh, yea, but it wasn’t a new thing, it wasn’t on purpose. People with problems who are in your life are either dealing and working to resolve them, or if not then they are making them your problem. So either deal with it and get better, or I’m really going to miss you. I was no longer willing to accept her shit since the problems kept being made my problems, so I cut it and moved on. Don’t chase, replace (#7) . I’ll find the right girl at some point in the future after going through quite a few (the daygame nature of this blog after all) and then build my little slut the way I want her.

So I write this to let you know you are not alone, you are not the only one going through this down time in your life. And share with you some of my story.

So no matter who you are, you’re probably here to try to figure out new strategies around getting women into your life. But I want to do that hard record scratch thing you see in the movies first – <scratch noise> “So. I bet you’re wondering how I got here… “

Let’s back up and begin at the beginning. The entire premise of this post is to make that case that without a solid foundation to build on as you go forward then things are bound to fail because you don’t have your shit sorted and you’re not being the best you can be.

So first things first – Let’s give you some tools to get you past your past. Some of us come here as guys in their 20’s experiencing their first heartache, others are older guys who thought that they’d never be in this place again after getting married and then getting the divorce hammer dropped on them out of the blue. Other guys of any age making the same mistake over and over, and are now trying to figure out “what the fuck, I’m doing it just like they tell me I should be doing it but the same shit keeps happening to me each time”. Whatever. In each scenario you got got. The reasons why don’t matter so much yet. The important part is the work you now have to do in order to move past the wreckage burning brightly in the rear view mirror and leave all that behind.

As I write this at day 79 of my recent breakup I have good days and some real miserable fucking days. Things get slippery in my head, I’m going through all the stages of grief – it’s damn uncomfortable and I don’t want to be here, didn’t think I would be. It’s a normal part of breakups. But this isn’t the first time, and for the man who has gone through this process and comes out the other side you’ll find that you’ve learned a lot about yourself and now you know your value. Which means that this isn’t the last time that I’m going to go through a tough breakup. Iron sharpens iron, that which does not kill me makes me stronger. These sayings exist for a reason.

So a huge part of becoming a player in the game is understanding that this can <strike> will happen, that we take the chance of getting got when we least expect it, and that we need to build a toolbox of support for yourself when your relationship with your top girl unbuttons. Some guys like Troy Francis (a great twitter follow suggestion for you) work hard to maintain a mindset that he’ll never pair bond with a woman and instead move on to the next one in his rotation when he feels the feelz coming on. That women are fungible.

Others, like Caleb over at The BlackDragon Blog use a promotion ladder as a framework to vetting girls. More on vetting below, insanely important to understand and put into practice, and a skill that we’re never good enough at. I failed this time (see post mortem below) in large part because I promoted improperly.

So how do you begin to build a toolbox? Here are my go-to’s to get me through this horrible times.

First off, after a breakup your brain is your own worst enemy.

Distorted thinking, obsessive thinking, rationalizing incessantly about anything and everything, inability to focus, and horrible decision making will plague you for a few months. It’s normal. The solution: Get in the gym. As men we are not equipped to deal with all this emotional input over loss that crashes over us. Balance the emotional with a physical effort. Chances are you should be in the gym anyway, this just further solidifies the reasoning why you need to open the door to the gym each day. Alternate: EMDR, or tapping/ “EFT – Emotional freedom technique” , can help balance the sides of the brain and provide some temp relief when monkey brain* strikes.

Unfuck Yourself

Time for a good hard evaluation of what you’ve allowed to happen to yourself, and see just how far off from being your best that you are right now. Set the timer for 5 minutes. Get naked and stand tall in front of a full length mirror, and take a good long look at yourself in the mirror – what do you see? What needs fixing? Hair? Gut? Muscle tone? Are you a fat fuck? Whatever. Put your ego to the side and shelve your pride. You’ve got time on your hands now, its time to get to work on this stuff.

And as you look, consider the big question – would you fuck you?

Stand there looking at yourself until the 5 minute timer goes off. Then go get a piece of paper and begin to make your list of shit that needs to get handled.

And think about what changed, what you allowed to be ground out of you over time, women can be like Chinese water torture, the frog being slowly boiled, parts of yourself that you sacrificed and lost for the sake of the relationship not even aware that these things are gone. What did you give up? What did you do that initially attracted her (#4) that made you happy did you gave up on?

Do the things that make you happy, add those things to your list. Start making plans to do them.

What have you always wanted to do but never done? Think about it, for days if you need to. Add them to your list

Then, do a post-mortem. If you had to do it over again – which you can’t – what would you have done differently? Leverage one of the benefits of hindsight. This part of the list will change over time as you begin to regain your sanity. It’s ok to cross things out that you had on it (“jeez, what an idiot I was”, or in a healthier version “man, look how much I’ve learned and grown since then” right?) and/or add new things to the list over time.

Read, Everything

Shawn Smith’s Tactical Guide to Women to learn how to vet and promote the women in your life in a healthy way next time, and what to watch out for. Rollo’s seminal Rational Male works to help understand the nature of women. I’m a huge fan of Ian Ironwoods work, and his artwork is fantastic. Reading Robert Glover’s No More Mister Nice Guy saved my life, that was my 2×4 upside the head moment when I realized that everything that happened was my fault.

Begin to work on learning game, and how to make yourself attractive to women. There are tons of online blogs like this that you can find via Twitter. Start with Nash on Twitter and begin to dive into “Pickup/Game Twitter”, begin to follow one guy, others will show up in his feed, continue to follow them, find their blogs, and then learn yourself up.

Make yourself your own mental point of origin

Rich Cooper is really good on this topic. This is probably the most important learning component there is, the thing men struggle with the most.

Meditation is good too, helps calm that monkey brain that just won’t shut the fuck up

Time

It’s going to take time, and that you don’t want to give the time doesn’t matter, the time needs to happen. So give yourself permission to take the time to work through this. I’m figuring 6 months. Hurt people hurt people. <- read that again. Don’t fuck up other peoples lives while you are a fucking mess. If something drops in your lap while you are getting the fog out of your head and learning to stand back up on your own 2 feet then be brutally honest with her about where you are at, and your capabilities, or lack of. But maybe best not to actively pursue women for awhile.

Make a calendar

I print out a blank 6 month calendar, or you can go to the store and buy one. Each day you make progress by avoiding her, not interacting, not being hoovered back in, each morning you make an X in the box for the previous day. This divides the box into 4 quadrants. Put a number 1-10, 1 horrible, 10 god like, for sleep, emotional level, eating/food, and fitness into each of the quadrants of the X and then use those same sections of the X for those areas of focus as the days play out.

Make any notes in the calendar, if you don’t have enough room then put a number in the area of the X and note whatever in detail below, or add a piece of paper to go along.

What you are doing here is building a positive reinforcement cycle that you see in your own handwriting and patterns to your self care for eating/sleeping/emotional/fitness to help you tune things up in these majorly important areas.

After awhile you won’t want to fuck your calendar up by slipping when monkey brain takes over, which it will, and this will help you stay on track. I fucked my last calendar up, for what I thought were good reasons at the time, but everything got hornswaggled after that and here I am with a new calendar again. Whatever, work it bitches.

Revenge

The best revenge? Go on to live an awesome life.

As you level yourself up younger and hotter WILL begin to cross your path, so have some fucking hope that the future holds amazing things for you.

I have coffee now and again with my past oneitis of almost 20 years that ended about 10 years ago, the one where the breakup gave me the gift of understanding all of this (and more), after the usual story of oneitis relationship breakups. I replaced her with a good looking nympho about 10 years younger, who I just returned back into the water. She can be a fantastic girl, and she is going to make someone really happy and I’ll always be grateful that she’s been part of my life. She is a *huge* reason that my life is so good right now, she saw me through some insanely difficult times and was always solid.

So my life is pretty fucking stupendous right now to be honest, has been for about 7 years now after I unfucked myself. My oneitis and I finally crossed paths in town for the first time post-breakup around New Years this year after living in the same small town. But she’s made a ton of bad decisions on top of bad decisions since we split, and is in a really bad place physically, emotionally, and spiritually, has been for awhile it turns out. She’s just had a scary big cardiac event, and admitted that her desire to live on and deal with this health issue to get to a better place is brutally low. Tough to hear but I’m so grateful for where I am at.

Men improve their lives when they know to focus on doing the work

Self Harm – Don’t!

And for gods sake – don’t EVER consider taking your life over the loss of a woman, of all the stupid things to do… But guys get to this place. If this is you then reach out. Reach out here, call a suicide hotline, talk to a friend, do something – but know that THIS IS A TEMPORARY PLACE, you WILL move out of it. Don’t, just don’t, there are so many options.

There is no “one” – in the world of however many billion people the idea that “the one” happened to live in the same town/nearby, that she happened to like you, you were destined to be together – what are the odds? Disney Bullshit – Level Eleventy Nine, there are many many women who can make you happy, you just need to clear your head of this one and let the brain chemicals fire themselves out.

Then unfuck yourself and learn to interact and attract women, vet for the good ones, and be happy.

The Upside

If you commit to making yourself better as part of this temporary phase of life it’s going to be brutal, make no bones about it. But… and here is the payoff – doing the work is going to improve you so much that when you come out the other side you’ll see all the positive effects to yourself and your life, new great woman in your life, business is fantastic. And you’ll be happy. But hand to god, I’ve done this and come out the other side, and then ended up wishing that I was still back in it because I could see how much the process improved me, even in the midst of fucking hating that time of my life. I even took a 2nd trip to Costa Rica hoping to recreate a period of life that I was in skin crawling uncomfortableness because I saw how much progress on myself I’d made and I wanted that amazing growth again. And I couldn’t get back to that point again. The beaches of Tamarindo were beautiful, but the trip was average at best. Perhaps it’s time to go surfing again now that I think about it…

More in part 2

Decided to try some “IG Game”

Well, I’m *really* burned out on all the online dating sites. The latest was some salt daddy work on seeking.com that converted one somewhat local SB, but that is on the back burner for now, more on that in a future post.

But ran across a guy who suggested Instagram Cassanova (my affiliate link behind the URL, doesn’t add to your costs and might help me, who knows) to run Instagram game.

me: sounds interesting, I like IG. So I headed over and had a look. The premise is that they’ll grow your followers, pre-selection, majority of IG users are women, etc. Then slide into DM’s as approp. Vin offered a 20% off, but at 30EU it seemed like a fair price for the value to me.

More info to come as I get deeper into this effort, but interested in seeing where this will go.

About this site, about me

Rake: In a historical context, a rake was a man who was habituated to immoral conduct, particularly womanizing. Often, a rake was also prodigal, wasting his fortune on gambling, wine, women and song, and incurring lavish debts in the process.

I’m definitely one to push the boundaries of things, but let’s not go quite that far, no need for all that negative behavior around wasting fortunes along with negative financial impact within all the other positive areas…

Beige Philip Principle #23 – The game is going down.
The game is happening whether you’re playing or not, you can either learn to play good or you can learn to lose. Choosing not to play the game doesn’t mean you’re not in the game it just means you’re gonna lose quicker. You have to learn the rules of engagement in order to play the game.

It’s been an interesting journey, this life. And I’m just getting started.

I’m a 60 year old single guy (as of 2019) hoping to bring something to the table that is a bit different than other blogs or pickup or game sites that are more geared to the 20 and 30 somethings. In my experience over the years I’ve found that for me all the same rules of attraction and seduction still apply, but there are no 10’s, there are no 9’s. People who are single at this age are damaged in some fashion, women especially so given their need for provisioning and protection yet not having been able to lock a guy down to get it, and then they turn “feral” – but it’s to be expected. Look at the lack of quality in men as the cause, it’s a mess out there. So for the guy just getting back in the game some adjustments in your approach and expectations are required that didn’t exist when you last dated perhaps in your 20’s.

I’ve asked around to see if this “gentleman rake” space has been taken by someone, turns out that there are a few guys – xsplat, socialparkour were 2 that were pointed out to me, both are just a bit younger than I but still well in the game and they have solid game blogs you should follow. I’m sure there are others, I’ll try to add them to the sidebar as they come into view for me. The more resources we have available to us the better we can be.

So after coming out of a several year long Dom/sub LTR, the first of its kind in my life, that came apart in December of 2018 I’ve decided to change up my relationship goals and get back into daygame as a challenge to myself, then let the chips fall where they may. I liked what Caleb over at BlackDragonBlog writes about a frame for escalating the women in your life into deeper access with you. I’ve dabbled a bit with daygame in the past, but my mindset now is just to enjoy single life and a multitude of fun women until their turn with me is over, and daygame seems to fit that bill well. Night game is a young mans game, I leave it to them.

For me, today, I have no issues with talking to random strangers, I open old, young, male,or female well, traditionally with an observational opener, but I do have a bit of lingering AA (approach anxiety) when I see a woman that I find attractive that will be an initial challenge for me to overcome. I live in a small town with little if any industry, mostly tourism, and low income community dynamics to deal with – plus country roads, so logistics when pulling can be really difficult, but not impossible.

Along the way I’d like to document my failures, of which there have been many, but this where I think the majority of learning happens. Plus successes, strategies, notes and reminders, and how I’m working to continue to improve my life in areas that go beyond daygame and women to move beyond being simple rake and instead into a gentleman rake.

And I’m hoping to affect the lives of other older men in a positive fashion, as well as those who find themselves back in the game at a later age and are wondering how to get their feet back under them. There are a lot of great blogs and great info already out there, and I’m not interested in recreating the wheel, so I’ll link you to topics and info that I hope will help you in all these areas.

Life is awesome at this age, and daygame and game in general can be like shooting fish in a barrel at times for the man who works to get his life, his body, and his mindset in order. Build your value, know your value, become a top 5% guy. I can’t wait to see where this is going, and I hope you’ll join me for the ride.

Follow me on Twitter at @turk_innocenti