One geared more towards the ladies, and lots of value for the men
This is supposed to be a quick hitter that just keeps dragging out the more I play with it. Riffing on a quick Patrice O‘Neal throw away line that goes along with HoustonSubGirl’s tweets, and parrots a lot of things already written about.
The message is there, I’m trying to get you to take a good hard look at what you actually have with your guy, and question if it’s good enough, are you being congruent, or are you being unknowingly selfish?
I started this back in Sept of ’19 and decided to drag it out again today. It offers some alternate thinking, and an alternate solution in the end, stay with it. Not perfectly written out, lots of gaps to fill in and polish that should be applied, but I’m shooting the trainer and racing the horse and just putting it out there
Feel free to take me to task in the comments, and maybe I’ll have a go at a 2nd revision that tightens up the thinking. I’m just kinda tired of seeing it sitting in my drafts. Enjoy
Ladies have you thanked your man today for his sacrifice? Do you understand his sacrifice? The mating strategies of the sexes both male and female (GFY with your eleventy three genders and constructs) are 1000% in conflict. Women innately desire protection, provisioning, and the attention of a man they deem high value
Women want the best man they can acquire. AND you want his greatest gift, the thing that is the most valuable asset that he possesses – his commitment to you. The commitment to you that demands his monogamy. You already know that this is in complete conflict with how we are wired as men.
The YT video wouldn’t embed well, the entire video is fantastic but so skip forward to 1:04:30 if it doesn’t load up correctly -> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fVUhaGQtL44&t=3870
In order to give you this gift of his commitment he fully sabotages his most primary sexual nature – to fuck as often and as many as possible. So I want to reframe this dichotomy at bit to see if I can’t open some eyes to the realities from the male side
Fucking for women is emotional and bonding. You want that 1 guy, your emotional and physical #1. Everyone else is an orbiter in the bullpen but #1 is #1, your guy.
On the other side, fucking for men is emotional and bonding with our #1, and we always have our emotional #1 — but fucking is primarily about fulfilling our sexual wiring, lizard brain shit, and just fucking the other girls. Sport fucking, getting into some strange, spreading the seed. We are not at all wired like women.
Women are threatened by their man’s sexual nature and seek to reign it in and control it for their benefit and to feel secure, because the idea of your man fucking another women brings out deep jealousy in nearly all women.
But what does this actually say about the nature of your relationship?
If he fucks another woman are you at risk for losing him? Do you really know if you have him and his commitment because you are that fantastic to be with? Or, is the tenuous control that exert over him via attention and sex all that is holding him there with you? Then that makes you a bit of a whore, trading your body for a man that you aren’t all that into in order to gain comfort, security, provisioning and protection. No judgement, just calling it as it is, we all gotta survive so more power to you for using all the tools at your disposal.
But the thing I’m getting at is – what do you really have with a guy that you are just not that into that you feel compelled to keep and keep taking from, and you are not giving him your best? He’s a placeholder, Mr Right Now in completely the wrong way, and you are mailing it in on being your best so you can find your best. You’re bored to death but not willing to do without that comfort.
So given that you can only have 1 of these, which would you rather have?
- You give him affection and sex but you’re controlling it tightly to keep him close, not too much and not too little, never really letting yourself go with him because that is just too scary and you might get hurt. Putting in enough effort so he doesn’t start looking around, and you can feel pretty solid that he’s hooked on you by keeping that blend of sexual push/pull on target, turning on the drip feed of emotional connection just enough but not too much. But the idea of him fucking that cute girl with the tight ass he sometimes brings up in conversation in front of you leaves you really insecure thinking that, down deep, you just really don’t know if he’d trade you for her if the opportunity ever happened and he could get hip deep in her. So you keep controlling him
- You give him affection and he just takes sex when he wants it as he wants it – cause you don’t hold yourself back. He wants to get freaky and you’re right there with him giving him green lights, never saying no. It’s amazing what he creates with you. You’re scared shitless because you are so exposed emotionally, and he sees every inch of you. But you know you are bringing your best and he is connected emotionally. He keeps coming back and working his demons out on you and you love it. All that masculine energy is washing over you, and there is no question that you’re getting his best dick game. This breeds confidence in you. But the idea of him fucking that cute girl with the tight ass he sometimes brings up in conversation in front of you leaves you wanting to do the hard work – for him. You don’t try to sweep his needs under the table, ignore them, pretend they don’t exist. It still scares you at some level but you want to try to be better for him, thinking that he deserves this because he is a man and that is how we are wired. You love him enough to want to see him happy.
Yes there are more shades of grey that 1 and 2, A or B, above, but for the sake of just trying to make a point lets deal in black or white.
In #1 he’ll continue to sacrifice his prime mating directives while you get your needs of protection, provisioning, attention, and societally enforced and approved monogamy that “you deserve”. Things are 180* out of balance, someone has “won” and someone has “lost”. And, you’ll always have the question popping up in the back of your head – is he staying with me for the right reasons? And how can you trust him, always being insecure if something were to happen and he got his dick wet somewhere else would you then lose him, and lose your comfort that you are manipulating so hard to keep in play for you? If you can’t trust him, then how can you fully give yourself to him? And towards the bottom line – are you in the right relationship, is this the best you can do – if these are the steps you need to take to control it to keep it? This is where female insecurity reigns supreme
In #2 everybody’s innate mating needs are met. You have your provision and protection with the man you are emotionally bonded with that you give everything to. He has his #1 in you, there is no question that this man is coming back to you. No other woman offers him the value that you do
You see him looking at a pretty girl, a cute ass. You give him a big sexy smile and tell him “baby, you should go fuck her. I’m right here waiting for you when you get back, I know that this is what you need and I want you to be taken care of”
Scary, but you know that when he comes back that you have the highest possible validation that he wants YOU, not because you are manipulating him, but because he simply wants just YOU – emotionally. You are the emotional #1 in his life. This emotional part works the same for both sexes. Your relationship is rock solid, you are bringing massive value to his life. You’re not a multiplier, you’re next level – you’re an exponentialist
Is it cheating?
I’m a follower of ethical non monogamy, polygyny- where my girls are loyal and monogamous to me. There are a few others out there that I know of that are similar – Nathan Alexander and I have hung out, the guy is the real deal and his main Foxy has been trained well by him, low drama high fun zero fucks given. Abuamerican is a Muslim cat living in Germany with receipts, he’s written a great book too that I thought was on point. If you live this lifestyle please let me know, I’d love to talk more, or even if you’ve tried it and it didn’t work
Cheating to me is comprised of two things – having a deep emotional connection with another female, and being dishonest to my #1 about it – lying, deceit, hiding, sneaking, not being 100% out in the open. My #1 gets the respect of knowing exactly what is going on, and has the choice to say if that works for her or not, and she can choose if she wants to leave the kingdom if my decision on seeing the new girl is made. It should never come to that, but she deserves that respect. If I can’t give her that respect then why is she my #1??
I need some level of emotional bonding with other women, no question. But there are levels – I can’t be as emotionally bonded with another girl the same way I am to my #1 and still have the same depth available for my #1, she loses out, she gets less. No girl wants that. If that is the case then I need to love her enough to let her go and move this one into #1. And if I have to sneak around and lie then I’m dealing in scarcity thinking, and I haven’t liked myself in the past when I’m not being truthful. And I’m being disrespectful. I’d never accept that from her, and I won’t accept it from myself
None of this is designed to rub her face in anything, but she matters to me enough to share my entire life with, and I should be doing the work so that she is 10/10 secure in my desire for her to be my #1 so that if other women are around she can throw some strut and swagger out there with “shoot your shot bitch, no one can bring to my man what I provide him, but you are welcome to try with your weak shit” and then wrap me up in love when I return to her as my queen by my side with pride knowing she is still the best.
But this isn’t all about me stepping out solo, I want to share my life – all of it – with my girl. So I want her right there, in the moment, just like this: